This isn't what I
intended to write about, but when I saw my wife sleeping on the bed, looking so
cute with her head on the pillow, I changed my mind. Besides, who wants to read
about my decrepit neck again, anyway?
After I began to
stroke her soft, silky hair, pat her on the head, and rub her paws just how she
likes, she opened her eyes and commenced to lick my hand. What!? No, I don't
mean my wife, Bonnie. I'm referring to my dog wife, "Robbie." What kind of column do you think this is?
Polygamy has been
rampant in my home for quite some time. I must confess I'm actually in my third
plural marriage. But before you contact the authorities, I've only had one
human wife. The other three have been Border Collies.
Much has changed
over the years since I began veterinary practice in how people view their pets.
Not mere possessions anymore, pets truly have become family members. While most
are thought of as children, and I'm right there with you, there is something
about female Border Collies that goes beyond that.
Oh, the
relationship may start as parent-child, but as female Border Collies mature, at
least the ones I have known, they tend to become somewhat bossy and perhaps a
wee bit jealous of other females, human or canine. They also become very good
managers of their human's life. For instance, as chore time draws near, Robbie
begins to pace, the dog equivalent of a human toe-tap, and with her soulful
eyes, gives her human the "look." Dare I write this, and I can almost
feel the thin ice cracking beneath my feet, but female Border Collies quickly
go from being a dependent to being like a second wife.
I don't mean that
in a bad way. After all, other than his mother, who cares more about a man than
his wife. I learned that the day I let my guard down and was about to receive
the business end of a charging ram. Robbie jumped between us, and had him by
the throat. His wool saved him; Robbie saved me. I'm also learning it now,
when, regarding my aforementioned neck, I hear Bonnie tell our employees,
"Don't let him pick anything up", "Don't let him lift that
dog!"
Regarding the
jealousy issue, Robbie isn't aggressive about it, she's passive-aggressive.
When it comes to Betsy, our Corgi, and her cute antics, Robbie ignores her,
preferring to look the other way. As for Bonnie, Robbie has never felt she
needed to listen to her. That doesn't go over real well.
And when we go on family excursions in my
Jeep, it does get a little uncomfortable to watch them wrestle over who gets to
sit in the front passenger seat. Bonnie always wins. Sleeping arrangements are
another matter. We start off with two on the bed, but sometime during the night
Robbie manages to work herself into the middle, often with her head resting on
my leg. What do you suppose that means?
This time of year,
I can't help but reflect on our relationships. November 24th marks the
thirty-fifth anniversary of when I fell for a smart, freckle-faced girl in the
basement of OSU's Ann Tweedale Alumnae Scholarship House, while watching an
episode of M*A*S*H. On December 3rd, we will celebrate Robbie's twelfth
birthday.
I first met Robbie
when she came to our office to be dewormed with the rest of her litter at four
weeks of age. Bonnie actually met her two weeks previously when she went to
their house for an initial deworming. She told me about the three female
puppies. One was a classic black and white beauty, another had more extensive
white markings, and the third had funny-looking freckles all over her face and
legs. It had been nearly three years since the passing of my second dog wife,
and I still had a good-sized hole in my heart. It was time for a puppy.
The first two
puppies didn't seem to care for me. The freckled one licked my nose. That's all
it took. I guess I have a thing for freckles, intelligence, and dedication.
This holiday season I will be forever grateful for the love and
support of my two fine wives. I only wish I could stop time. May all of you be
so blessed. Happy Thanksgiving.
By Dr. John H. Jones
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